why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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