Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
