I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
