We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
