perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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