I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she pinky promised me she was 18
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
