there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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