dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
