I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
