i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize