well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
