Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
