I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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