I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
