sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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