i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
