a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
