Just fell off a train. Bad.
I look better un-naked...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
