Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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