Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
