Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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