I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
