Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
