Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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