xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
