Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
