Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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