just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
