So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I looked at my own cervix.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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