Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
