The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
