Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
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Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
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she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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