So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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