A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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