i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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