and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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