hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
