i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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