i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
