oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
