i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
