You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
