He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Screwed.edu
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
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you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
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I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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