Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my phone needs a breathalizer
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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