so explain again why im purple
no
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
