I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
