Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
