in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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