i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
