She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
