The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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