do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
