Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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