I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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