You smell like a Billy Joel song
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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