Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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