I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Randomize
