I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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