Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
