Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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