I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
