i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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