You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Mom said you looked used
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
