I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
