I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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