I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
