there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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