You made me cry and you don't even care
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
