girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
