i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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