U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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