i already hear my dad disowning me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Tornado booty call.. dedication
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
