i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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