covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
