Porn is love you can see.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Drunk is not a location!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
