i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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