whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
