I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
