i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
