In the future we'll all be gay
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
