'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
