I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
