There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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